pfitz

Good Advice from Kids

by pfitz
“Never trust a dog to watch your food.” -Patrick, age 10 “When your dad is mad and asks you, ‘Do I look stupid?’ Don’t answer.” -Hannah, age 9 Never tell your Mom her diet’s not working.” -Michael, age 14 “Stay away from prunes.” -Randy, age 9 “Don’t pull Dad’s finger when he tells you to.” ... Read More

Some Perspective

by pfitz
Here’s something to give you little perspective: Pythagorean Theorem: 24 words The Lord’s Prayer: 66 words Archimedes’ Principle: 67 words The 10 Commandments: 179 words The Gettysburg Address: 286 words The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words The US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words

A Shipwrecked Pfunny

by pfitz
A man had been shipwrecked and stranded alone on a deserted island for 20 years. Just as he had lost all hope, he spotted a ship on the horizon. He quickly lit a signal fire and caught the ship’s attention. When the ship arrived at the island, the captain came ashore and noticed that the ... Read More

Union Blues

by pfitz
A fellow stopped at for gas and, after filling up, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The ... Read More

Ten Ways You Can Tell When Your Cow Has Mad Cow Disease

by pfitz
10) Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne. 9) She refuses to let you milk her, saying, “Not on a first date.” 8) Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears. 7) She gets silicone implants for her udders. 6) She appears on Oprah, ... Read More

A Strength Pfunny

by pfitz
The strong young man at the construction site was boasting that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of his ‘more mature’ co-workers. Finally, the older fella had had enough. “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I ... Read More

Humor in Uniform

by pfitz
Some stories from Reader’s Digest’s military humor column. Stationed overseas with the Air Force, my wife and I collected miniature statues. Two of our favorites were replicas of the “Winged Victory” and “Venus de Milo.” When we returned to the States and unpacked our boxes, our attention was drawn to the container holding our collection. ... Read More

Catching Chickens

by pfitz
They Almost Got Away! The farmer’s young son was returning from the market with the crate of chickens his father had placed in his care, when all of a sudden he tripped and the box fell and broke wide open. Chickens took off in all directions, but the responsible young fella walked all over the ... Read More

Free Parking

by pfitz
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral. “Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce,” the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car ... Read More

Camping Tips

by pfitz
When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant. A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes. Eating one can also keep your sleeping bag ... Read More