pfitz

Important Farm Tips

by pfitz
Here are some tips that not only apply to farm life, but to almost any life. Country fences need to be horse high, pig tight and bull strong. Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce. Keep skunks and bankers at a distance. Life is ... Read More

Punctuation Bar Jokes

by pfitz
Seven Bar Jokes involving grammar and punctuation by Eric K. Auld A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves. A dangling modifier walks into a bar. After finishing a drink, the bartenders asks it to leave. A question mark walks into a bar? Two quotations marks “walk into” a ... Read More

Full Deck-ism

by pfitz
Not Playing with a full deck … A 10K brain attached to a 9600 baud mouth. A brain like a BB in a boxcar. A couple of bricks short of a load. A couple of dilithium crystals short of a warp core. A couple of knights short of a Crusade. A couple of volts below ... Read More

The Perfect Couple

by pfitz
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After aperfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life togetherwas, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfectcouple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a windingroad, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in ... Read More

Fat Theology

by pfitz
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And Satan created McDonald’s. And McDonald’s brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, “You want fries with that?” And Man said, “Super size them.” ... Read More

What is 2 x 2?

by pfitz
Several scientists were all posed the following question: “What is 2 x 2 ?” The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it’s old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces “3.99″. The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces “it lies between 3.98 and 4.02″. ... Read More

The Dying Irish Nun

by pfitz
The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey they had received as a gift ... Read More

Abracadabra

by pfitz
During a dinner party, the hosts’ two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. There was a moment of silence ... Read More

A Marriage Pfunny

by pfitz
Ayoung man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and ... Read More

What’s in a Name?

by pfitz
A young man called directory assistance. “Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona.” “There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix,” the operator replied. “Do you have a street name?” The young man hesitated, and then said, “Well, most people call me Ice Man.”