pfitz

An Unusual Pet

by pfitz
Apretty lonely guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he decided on a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for its house. He took ... Read More

An Anteater Pfunny

by pfitz
An anteater walks into a bar and says that he’d like a drink. “Okay,” says the bartender. “How about a beer?” “Noooooooooo,” replies the anteater. “Then how about a gin and tonic?” “Noooooooooo.” “A martini?” “Noooooooooo.” Finally, the bartender gets fed up and says, “Hey, listen buddy, if you don’t mind me asking, why the long ... Read More

Avian Revenge

by pfitz
Whenever a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch just to let them know what I’m capable of!

Newlywed Breakfast

by pfitz
A newly married couple returned from their honeymoon and the next day the bride woke up and decided to make her husband breakfast in bed. She brought him scrambled eggs, toast, and orange juice. While eating the breakfast, the man said, “It’s good, but it’s not like mother used to make.” So the next day she ... Read More

Important Farm Tips

by pfitz
Here are some tips that not only apply to farm life, but to almost any life. Country fences need to be horse high, pig tight and bull strong. Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce. Keep skunks and bankers at a distance. Life is ... Read More

Punctuation Bar Jokes

by pfitz
Seven Bar Jokes involving grammar and punctuation by Eric K. Auld A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves. A dangling modifier walks into a bar. After finishing a drink, the bartenders asks it to leave. A question mark walks into a bar? Two quotations marks “walk into” a ... Read More

Full Deck-ism

by pfitz
Not Playing with a full deck … A 10K brain attached to a 9600 baud mouth. A brain like a BB in a boxcar. A couple of bricks short of a load. A couple of dilithium crystals short of a warp core. A couple of knights short of a Crusade. A couple of volts below ... Read More

The Perfect Couple

by pfitz
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After aperfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life togetherwas, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfectcouple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a windingroad, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in ... Read More

Fat Theology

by pfitz
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And Satan created McDonald’s. And McDonald’s brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, “You want fries with that?” And Man said, “Super size them.” ... Read More

What is 2 x 2?

by pfitz
Several scientists were all posed the following question: “What is 2 x 2 ?” The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it’s old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces “3.99″. The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces “it lies between 3.98 and 4.02″. ... Read More