pfitz

Shelter from the Storm

by pfitz
Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she’s just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she had ever tasted. After dinner, she went into the kitchen to thank the chefs. She was met by two of the Brothers. The ... Read More

A Klingon Christmas Carol

by pfitz
A Christmas Carol from Worf, to the tune of “The Christmas Song”(“Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire”): Phasers flashing in the depths of space,Ripping up an airtight hull;Signs of fear on your enemy’s face,And life support signs reading null!Ev’rybody knows a Romulan’s a spineless foeWho lacks the Klingon will to fight!Phaser beams set his torso ... Read More

The Plan

by pfitz
In the beginning was the plan. And then came the Assumptions. And the Assumptions were without form. And the Plan was completely without substance. And darkness was upon the face of the Workers. And they spoke amongst themselves, saying, “It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh.” And the Workers went unto their Supervisors ... Read More

Tough Letter to Santa

by pfitz
Little Johnny wanted a bike for Christmas. He started writing his letter to Santa: “Dear Santa, I promise to be a good boy and do my homework and clean my room if you…” Oh no, that was WAY too much to promise. He started again: “Dear Santa, Please send me a bicycle and I will ... Read More

Twas the Night before Christmas – Computer Programmers

by pfitz
PROGRAMMERS NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS Twas the night before implementation and all through the housenot a program was working, not even a browse.The programmers hung round their cubes in despairwith hopes that a miracle soon would be there. The users were nestled all snug in their bedswhile visions of inquiries danced in their heads.When out of ... Read More

The Captain’s Clothing

by pfitz
Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his first mate, “Bring me my red shirt!” The first mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and ... Read More

The Procrastinator’s Creed

by pfitz
Procrastinator’s Creed 1. I believe that if anything is worth doing it would have been done already. 2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses. 3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration. 4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion ... Read More

Doctor News

by pfitz
Doctor: I have bad news and good news. Patient: What’s the bad news? Doctor: Your operation will cost much more than predicted. Patient: Oh my God, and what’s the good news? Doctor: I can buy a new Mercedes.

Redneck Jedi

by pfitz
You might be a redneck jedi if: Your landspeeder has a bumper-sticker that reads “I break for Wookies!” Your lightsaber has been used to power a still. You’ve ever eaten roadkill bantha stew. You’ve made out with your sister and your dad wants to kill you. You use the force to help your mother win ... Read More

Some Humorous Quotes

by pfitz
“Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.” – Matt Groening “With a stop light, green means ‘go’ and yellow means ’slow down’. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means ‘go’, green means ‘whoa, slow down’, ... Read More