Telephone Conversation

Read aloud for best results (and some semblance of comprehension). This was nominated “best email of 1997.”

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review.

Room Service (RS): “Morny. Ruin sorbees.”
Guest (G): “Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.”
RS: “Rye… Ruin sorbees… morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??”
G: “Uh… yes… I’d like some bacon and eggs.”
RS: “Ow July den?”
G: “What??”
RS: “Ow July den?…pry, boy, pooch?”
G: “Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.”
RS: “Ow July dee bayhcem…crease?”
G: “Crisp will be fine.”
RS : “Hokay. An San tos?”
G: “What?”
RS:”San tos. July San tos?”
G: “I don’t think so”
RS: “No? Judo one toes??”
G: “I feel really bad about this, but I don’t know what ‘judo one toes’ means.”
RS: “Toes! toes!… why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?”
G: “English muffin!! I’ve got it! You were saying ‘Toast.’ Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.”
RS: “We bother?”
G: “No… just put the bother on the side.”
RS: “Wad?”
G: “I mean butter… just put it on the side.”
RS: “Copy?”
G: “Sorry?”
RS: “Copy… tea… mill?”
G: “Yes. Coffee please, and that’s all.”
RS: “One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy… rye??”
G: “Whatever you say.”
RS: “Tendjewberrymud.”
G: “You’re welcome.”