Money

Whose Money?

by pfitz
Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money,” he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, “You can’t do this! I am a United States congressman!” “In that case,” replied the mugger, “give me MY money!”

Bar Competition

by pfitz
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the ... Read More

Cowisms

by pfitz
FEUDALISMYou have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. PURE SOCIALISMYou have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need. BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISMYou have two cows. The ... Read More

A Tax Pfunny

by pfitz
The IRS sent me a letter last Friday. They audited my return anddenied two of my dependent deductions! I sent them the followingletter: Dear Sirs: I am responding to your letter denying the deduction for two of thethree dependents I claimed on my Federal Income Tax return. Thankyou. I have questioned whether these are my ... Read More

Two Wishes

by pfitz
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?” “I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be ... Read More

Helpful Farmer

by pfitz
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some ... Read More