Tom Said

“I can’t believe I ate that whole pineapple!” Tom said dolefully. “That’s the last time I’ll ever pet a lion,” Tom said offhandedly. “I dropped the toothpaste,” Tom said, crestfallen. “I’ll never sleep on the railroad tracks again!” Tom said, beside himself. “That’s the third electric shock I’ve gotten this week!” Tom said, revolted. “I’m […]

Shelter from the Storm

Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she’s just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she had ever tasted. After dinner, she went into the kitchen to thank the chefs. She was met by two of the Brothers. The […]


A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting outside at a nudist colony. The history professor asked: “Have you read Marx?” The psychology professor replied: “Yes. I think it’s from the wicker chairs.”

Bar Accents

I was in a London pub on Saturday night. I’d had a few drinks when I noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had strong accents, so I asked, “Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?” One of them turned to me and screamed, “It’s WALES, you idiot!” So I immediately apologized, […]

New Kind of Car

Two guys sat down for lunch in the office cafeteria. “Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?”one asked. “He got this harebrained notion he was going to build a new kind of car,” his co-worker replied. “How was he going to do it?” “He took an engine from a Pontiac, tires from a Chevy, seats […]

Go Forth and Multiply

After it was all over and Noah lowered the ramp of the ark for all the animals to leave, he told the animals to “go forth and multiply.” All the animals left except two snakes who lay quietly in the corner of the ark. “Why can’t you go forth and multiply?” demanded Noah. “We can’t,” […]

Potato Puns

Why did the potato cross the road? He saw a fork up ahead. How do you describe an angry potato? Boiling Mad. Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a commontater. Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop. What […]

Some Pirate Riddles

Why didn’t the pirate get hungry when he was left on a desert island? Because of all the sand which is there! C00008==============> How do pirates know when they are about to be attacked? They watch Sea-span! C00008==============> I don’t know if you’ve heard about this new Pirate corn they’ve got now. I guess it’s […]