Ten Ways You Can Tell When Your Cow Has Mad Cow Disease

10) Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.

9) She refuses to let you milk her, saying, “Not on a first date.”

8) Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears.

7) She gets silicone implants for her udders.

6) She appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow’s body.

5) Your cow demands to be branded with the Golden Arches.

4) Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.

3) Your cow thought Frank Bruno would beat Mike Tyson.

2) You catch your cow hiding secret plans to burn down half of Chicago.

1) Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King.