A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “Wow! In all my years tending bar, I’ve never had a weasel stop by. What can I get you?” “Pop,” goes the weasel.
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He gives a mean look around the room as everyone gets quiet. Then he says, “I’m lookin’ for the man who shot my paw!”
An anteater walks into a bar and says that he’d like a drink. “Okay,” says the bartender. “How about a beer?” “Noooooooooo,” replies the anteater. “Then how about a gin and tonic?” “Noooooooooo.” “A martini?” “Noooooooooo.” Finally, the bartender gets fed up and says, “Hey, listen buddy, if you don’t mind me asking, why the long […]
The barman says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.” A time traveler walks into a bar.
A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator. He asks the bartender, “Do you serve lawyers here?” “Yes, we do!” “Good. Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my alligator.”
A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a drink and some peanuts. After eating some nuts, he pulls out a gun, shoots the place to the ground, and runs away. Quickly the bartender runs after him yelling, “HEY! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!!!” The panda turns around and yells “Yes I can. Look me […]
I was in a London pub on Saturday night. I’d had a few drinks when I noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had strong accents, so I asked, “Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?” One of them turned to me and screamed, “It’s WALES, you idiot!” So I immediately apologized, […]
C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not […]
This fellow and a giraffe walk into a bar. The giraffe goes to sleep on the floor. The bartender says, “Hey! What’s that lyin’ there?” The fellow says, “That’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe!”
Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducks.