From the Washington Post Style Invitation, in which it was postulated that English should have male and female nouns, and readers were asked to assign a gender to nouns of their choice and explain their reason.
The best submissions:
SWISS ARMY KNIFEÂ â€” male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
KIDNEYSÂ â€“ female, because they always go to the bathroom in pairs.
TIREÂ â€“ male, because it goes bald and often is over-inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOONÂ â€” male, because to get it to go anywhere you have to light a fire under it â€¦ and, of course, thereâ€™s the hot air part.
SPONGESÂ â€“ female, because they are soft and squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGEÂ â€” female, because it is always getting hit on.
SHOEÂ â€“ male, because it is usually unpolished, with its tongue hanging out.
COPIERÂ â€“ female, because â€¦
– once turned off, it takes a while to warm up
– it is an effective reproductive device when the right buttons are pushed
– because it can wreak havoc when the wrong buttons are pushed
ZIPLOC BAGSÂ â€” male, because they hold everything in, but you can always see right through them.
SUBWAYÂ â€“ male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
HOURGLASSÂ â€“ female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMERÂ â€“ male, because it hasnâ€™t evolved much over the last 5,000 years, but itâ€™s handy to have around.
REMOTE CONTROLÂ â€” femaleâ€¦
Ha! You thought Iâ€™d say male. But consider: it gives man pleasure; heâ€™d be lost without it; and while he doesnâ€™t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.