A very shy guy goes into a pub on Valentine’s Day night and sees abeautiful woman sitting alone at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to herand asks tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I bought you a drink?” She responds by yelling, at the top of […]
Morris was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player. The player was known primarily for his lack of IQ, common sense, and that he leaned toward the unattractive side […]
A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, “Hey Billy, want to play house?” He says, “Sure! What do you want me to do?” Sally replies, “I want you to communicate your feelings.” “Communicate my feelings?” said a bewildered Billy. “I have no […]
Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married, Merry Christmas to you, and please don’t worry. I’m just fine considering I can’t breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother. I’ve sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I […]
A newly married couple returned from their honeymoon and the next day the bride woke up and decided to make her husband breakfast in bed. She brought him scrambled eggs, toast, and orange juice. While eating the breakfast, the man said, “It’s good, but it’s not like mother used to make.” So the next day she […]
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After aperfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life togetherwas, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfectcouple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a windingroad, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in […]
Ayoung man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and […]
From the Washington Post Style Invitation, in which it was postulated that English should have male and female nouns, and readers were asked to assign a gender to nouns of their choice and explain their reason. The best submissions: SWISS ARMY KNIFE — male, because even though it appears useful for a wide variety of work, […]
Here are the Top Ten Signs you’re on a bad date: 10. He eats his steak with his fingers and uses the fork to scratch his armpits. 9. During the movie, you notice she’s holding hands with the guy on her other side. 8. She says, “I’ll probably finish my dinner before you since I […]
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, “Relatives of yours?” “Yep,” the husband replied, “In-laws.” <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> All men are idiots. And […]