Some Humorous Quotes

“Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.” – Matt Groening “With a stop light, green means ‘go’ and yellow means ’slow down’. With a banana, however, it is quite the opposite. Yellow means ‘go’, green means ‘whoa, slow down’, […]

Some Jewish Quotes

Here are some good quotes provided by some famous Jewish people. They’re not really about religion, but they do demonstrate the stereotypical Jewish perspective on life. – – – – – – – – – – – – “Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses. He took us forty years into […]

Police Quotes

Here are some quote from police officers: “The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.” “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.” “So, you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?” “Yes […]

Deep Thoughts

I can’t seem to find the source (maybe in a newspaper?), but a few years ago there was a contest for people to submit their own versions of “deep thoughts,” playing off the “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy” quotes from National Lampoon and Saturday Night Live. These are some of the submissions: HONORABLE MENTIONS: My […]

Einstein Quotes

All these quotes are from Albert Einstein ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?” “The must incomprehensible thing about the universe is that it is comprehensible.” “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” “Try not to become a man […]

Jewish Quotes

“Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses. He took us forty years into the desert in order to bring us to the only place in the Middle East that has no oil!” ~ Golda Meir – – – – – – – – – – – – “Bankruptcy is a legal […]

Quotes from Smart Women

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde. -Dolly Parton You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong I want to have children, but […]