Puns

Full Deck-ism

by pfitz
Not Playing with a full deck … A 10K brain attached to a 9600 baud mouth. A brain like a BB in a boxcar. A couple of bricks short of a load. A couple of dilithium crystals short of a warp core. A couple of knights short of a Crusade. A couple of volts below ... Read More

Marx

by pfitz
A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting outside at a nudist colony. The history professor asked: “Have you read Marx?” The psychology professor replied: “Yes. I think it’s from the wicker chairs.”

Bar Accents

by pfitz
I was in a London pub on Saturday night. I’d had a few drinks when I noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had strong accents, so I asked, “Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?” One of them turned to me and screamed, “It’s WALES, you idiot!” So I immediately apologized, ... Read More

A Punny Musical Story

by pfitz
C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not ... Read More

New Kind of Car

by pfitz
Two guys sat down for lunch in the office cafeteria. “Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?”one asked. “He got this harebrained notion he was going to build a new kind of car,” his co-worker replied. “How was he going to do it?” “He took an engine from a Pontiac, tires from a Chevy, seats ... Read More

Go Forth and Multiply

by pfitz
After it was all over and Noah lowered the ramp of the ark for all the animals to leave, he told the animals to “go forth and multiply.” All the animals left except two snakes who lay quietly in the corner of the ark. “Why can’t you go forth and multiply?” demanded Noah. “We can’t,” ... Read More

Potato Puns

by pfitz
Why did the potato cross the road? He saw a fork up ahead. How do you describe an angry potato? Boiling Mad. Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a commontater. Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop. What ... Read More

Some Pirate Riddles

by pfitz
Why didn’t the pirate get hungry when he was left on a desert island? Because of all the sand which is there! C00008==============> How do pirates know when they are about to be attacked? They watch Sea-span! C00008==============> I don’t know if you’ve heard about this new Pirate corn they’ve got now. I guess it’s ... Read More

Halloween Riddles

by pfitz
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ What’s a ghost’s favorite Mother Goose Story? Little Boo Peep ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ What do ghosts add to their morning cereal? Booberries ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Why do ... Read More

Caesar Salad Now Legal

by pfitz
Caesar Salad Now Legal! WASHINGTON, DC — California decriminalized the sale of Caesar salad this week — and it’s not a moment too soon, the Libertarian Party said today. “When you outlaw Caesar salad, only outlaws will eat Caesar salad,” noted the party’s Director of Communications, Bill Winter. “That’s why, on the issue of Caesar ... Read More