Shelter from the Storm

Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she’s just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she had ever tasted. After dinner, she went into the kitchen to thank the chefs. She was met by two of the Brothers. The […]

Newlywed Breakfast

A newly married couple returned from their honeymoon and the next day the bride woke up and decided to make her husband breakfast in bed. She brought him scrambled eggs, toast, and orange juice. While eating the breakfast, the man said, “It’s good, but it’s not like mother used to make.” So the next day she […]

Fat Theology

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And Satan created McDonald’s. And McDonald’s brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, “You want fries with that?” And Man said, “Super size them.” […]

The Dying Irish Nun

The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey they had received as a gift […]

Grandpa Forgot

My grandpa and grandma were sitting on their porch swing enjoying the nice evening breeze, when Grandpa lovingly leaned over and said, “Hey Ma, I’m gonna have some ice cream, would you like some?” “Yeah, Pa, but you’d better write it down or you’ll forget,” said Grandma. Grandpa replied, “I won’t forget.” “Alright then,” said […]

The Eight Worst Convenience Foods

These are real foods, with the manufacturer names included in parentheses after the product names. Not my descriptions, but they’re still funny. And kinda queasy-making. 8. Meeter’s Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that’s sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed […]

Waiter Question

A waiter approached the man studying the menu carefully at the fancy restaurant. “May I take your order, sir?” he asked. “Well, I was wondering how you prepare your chickens,” the man replied. “Oh, it’s nothing too special, sir,” the waiter confided. “We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.”

Some Perspective

Here’s something to give you little perspective: Pythagorean Theorem: 24 words The Lord’s Prayer: 66 words Archimedes’ Principle: 67 words The 10 Commandments: 179 words The Gettysburg Address: 286 words The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words The US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words