Memo from Accounting

TO: ALL PERSONNEL FROM: ACCOUNTING Much to our dismay, it has recently come to our attention that many of our employees have been turning in timesheets specifying an unusually large amount of “Miscellaneous Unproductive Time” (Code 5309). Within the Accounting Department, unproductive time isn’t a problem. However, what is a problem is not knowing exactly […]

Free Parking

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral. “Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce,” the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car […]

The Volunteer Fire Department

A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from the nearby town was called to put the fire out. The fire proved to be more than the small town fire department could handle, so someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire department be called. Though there was doubt that […]

Shopkeepers Competition

The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign that read BEST DEALS. He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES. The shopkeeper was panicked, until he […]

Trump Philosophy

Donald Trump’s daughter, Ivanka, was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be very liberal, and among other liberal ideals she was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs — what her dad dismissed as “redistribution of wealth.” She […]

A Can-Do Pfunny

Programmer to Team Leader: “We can’t do this proposed project. **CAN NOT** It will involve a major design change and no one in our team knows the design of this legacy system. And above that, nobody in our company knows the language in which this application has been written. So even if somebody wants to […]

Letter to the Bank

Dear Bank Manager, I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to […]

Success without Email

What?! No E-mail?! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning). After the test, the manager says, “You will be employed at minimum wage. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I […]

Holiday Merger

MAJOR HOLIDAY MERGER ANNOUNCED Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire. While details were not […]