The Plan

In the beginning, there was The Plan.Then came the assumptions,and the assumptions were without form, and the plan was without substance. And darkness was upon the face of the workers,and they spoke amongst themselves saying,“It is a crock of shit and it stinketh mightily.” And the workers went unto their Supervisors and said,“It is a pile ... Read More

Christmas Downsizing

Today’s global challenges require the North Pole to continue to lookfor better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, thefollowing economy measures are to take place in the “Twelve Days ofChristmas” subsidiary: The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out tobe the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hangingplant, ... Read More

Memo from Accounting

TO: ALL PERSONNEL FROM: ACCOUNTING Much to our dismay, it has recently come to our attention that many of our employees have been turning in timesheets specifying an unusually large amount of “Miscellaneous Unproductive Time” (Code 5309). Within the Accounting Department, unproductive time isn’t a problem. However, what is a problem is not knowing exactly ... Read More

Free Parking

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral. “Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce,” the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car ... Read More

The Volunteer Fire Department

A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from the nearby town was called to put the fire out. The fire proved to be more than the small town fire department could handle, so someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire department be called. Though there was doubt that ... Read More

Shopkeepers Competition

The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign that read BEST DEALS. He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES. The shopkeeper was panicked, until he ... Read More

The Brick Theory of Management

How to place new employees in the right jobs for them: Put 400 bricks in a closed room. Put your new hires in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours. Then analyze the situation: If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department. If ... Read More

A Can-Do Pfunny

Programmer to Team Leader: “We can’t do this proposed project. **CAN NOT** It will involve a major design change and no one in our team knows the design of this legacy system. And above that, nobody in our company knows the language in which this application has been written. So even if somebody wants to ... Read More

Letter to the Bank

Dear Bank Manager, I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to ... Read More

Success without Email

What?! No E-mail?! An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning). After the test, the manager says, “You will be employed at minimum wage. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I ... Read More