Snake in the House

Green garden grass snakes can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. A couple in Rockwall, Texas had a lot of potted plants, and during a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden grass snake […]

I’m Fine

A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company’s fancy hotshot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,’?” asked the lawyer. Clyde responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the…” “I didn’t ask for […]

An Unusual Pet

Apretty lonely guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he decided on a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for its house. He took […]

An Anteater Pfunny

An anteater walks into a bar and says that he’d like a drink. “Okay,” says the bartender. “How about a beer?” “Noooooooooo,” replies the anteater. “Then how about a gin and tonic?” “Noooooooooo.” “A martini?” “Noooooooooo.” Finally, the bartender gets fed up and says, “Hey, listen buddy, if you don’t mind me asking, why the long […]

Buying a Cat

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take. He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for […]

Driving Penguins

A motorcycle cop sees a guy in a station wagon loaded with penguins. The cop, sensing something suspicious, immediately pulls the station wagon over. “You can’t drive around with all those penguins,” he tells the man. “You need to take them to the zoo.” “Good idea,” replies the driver. The cop then lets him drive […]

Panda in a Bar

A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a drink and some peanuts. After eating some nuts, he pulls out a gun, shoots the place to the ground, and runs away. Quickly the bartender runs after him yelling, “HEY! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!!!” The panda turns around and yells “Yes I can. Look me […]

Talking Dog

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. “This dog can speak English,” he claims to the unimpressed agent. “Okay, Sport,” the guy says to the dog, “what’s on the top of a house?” “Roof!” the dog replies. “Oh, come on,” the talent agent responds. “All dogs go ‘roof’.” “No, wait,” the […]